Rise and Shine
by No Username Needed
Summary: After years of constant, vicious bullying from peers and even adults, Adam decides enough is enough and makes a horrific decision that will change Degrassi Community School forever. *warning for entire story: cursing, mature theme, violence, and soft subjects*
1. Prologue

**Hello! It's a miracle: I actually have new ideas for new stories xD.** **Amazing, right? **

**I'm not 100% sure if this is going to be 4 chapters or 14. I'm just going to go by what you, the readers, think of this! This is AU and very OOC, since it's neverrrrr going to happen on the show..or so I think. I highly doubt Degrassi will have another school shooting any time soon. **

**Note: I KNOW Adam is not homicidal, hence the labels AU and OOC. I love Adam, just like you probably do. I just figured he's be the one character to fit the role of the shooter, considering the song it's based on is about bullying..and Adam has been severely bullied.**

**Note: The inspiration of this fic is "Rise and Shine" by Blood on the Dance Floor, which is one of my favorite bands. The band may have it's reputation of being raunchy and explicit, but this song is freaking beautiful; especially the music video & the meaning of the song.**

**Warning: Obviously going to be violent. Also, cursing of course.**

**Enjoy! **

* * *

_"Ugh. Do I have to work with the cross dresser, Mr. Kennedy?" The popular, foolish jock Kyle asked our teacher._

_This caused the **entire** class to roar laughter and pointing. Some of the populars of Degrassi High, even threw crumpled paper notes at me. I didn't even bother to open them, knowing the words that would be written on them._

_**Fa**_

**_It_**

**_He-She_**

**_Dyke _**

**_Loser_**

**_Freak_**

**_Butch_**

_Mr. Kennedy told the class to settle down, but it was no use. The laughter, the excitement, the humiliation: none of it stopped. My teacher only made the class louder and more vicious. After one girl, stuck post-it notes on me with these insults I stood up. _

_"I hope you all burn in hell!" I vociferate, causing everyone to shut the hell up._

_"Ms., er, Mr. Torres, get back in here or I'll give you two weeks of detention." He warned me._

_I rolled my eyes when I slammed the door behind me, dimming the noise coming from the room. _

_I cried at my locker, knowing better to not go in the boy's washroom. I'd probably get kicked out of there too._

_"Why was I born this way..or even born at all?" I whimpered to myself as I mourned alone on the cold, hard hallway floor._

* * *

__"Hey, Adam." Clare, one of the only people at the entire school, who bothers to acknowledge my presence at Degrassi.

"Hi." I whisper.

She sits herself next to me on the picnic bench. I chewed my vapid, probably-fake-meat hamburger from the cafe. I swallowed the dry food and Clare pulled out her purse.

"You're going with me."

I looked over at her, to see concert tickets in her hands. I snatched one from her.

"Ooh, what are the tickets for?" My face lit up..for once.

She blushed. "Katy Perry."

I laughed. "Seriously Cla-"

I felt someone steal the ticket out of my hand. I looked up to see most of the hockey team, including Clare's step brother Jake. The one who had the ticket in his hand was Luke Baker.

He laughed and showed the ticket to his friends. "Check this out." He told them.

"Leslie and her girlfriend have front-row tickets to a Katy Perry concert."

The boys laughed. I clenched my jaw. Ever since I entered this school, people gave me the nick name "Leslie". I guess because lesbian starts with "les", and that's the only thing they could come up with. Those idiots.

"The only reason _Adam_ is going with me is because I won these and have no one else that can go with me." Clare retorted.

"I bet the reason it's going is to check out her rack. Isn't that right, Leslie?" Luke turned to me.

I clenched my fist and stood from my seat. "No. I'm not a man-whore and a pig like you fucktards."

Luke pushed me, but not hard enough for me to hit the ground.

Luke devishly smiled. "Only guys can be man whores, so you are right that time."

I shouted. "I am a guy!"

Jake incited. "Then, show us your dick."

I crossed my arms and stifled a nervous laugh. "Who's gay now?"

This time I got pushed harder, but by Jake this time. He pulled his arm back to punch me, so I clenched my eyes shut. I opened them from them hurting from clenching so tightly, to see Clare jump hard on his side. He fell over and yelled.

"Damn it Clare! Get the fuck off of me!"

Clare yelled. "You try to fight my **friend**;you get through me first."

Roughly, Jake slapped his step sister on the face and high-fived his fellow hockey players. She softly whimpered and began bawling from the pain.

The bell rang, signaling lunch was over.

"Let's get out of here." Kyle declared.

The jocks ran away from the scene. I sighed as I got up to crawl to Clare who was wailing.

_All because of **me**._

"Clare, are you okay?" I touched the side of her face where Jake hit her.

She winced and swatted my hand away.

She whimpered. "Step or not, how could he hit his own sister like that?"

"He's an asshole..just like the rest of them."

She grabbed the tickets from the ground and smiled sadly. "I guess you won't be coming with me this Friday night."

I clenched my jaw; an incredible, schemey idea rushed through my head.

I smirked devilishly and chuckled bitterly. "I'm afraid I'll be..out of town that day."

* * *

**Too dark? Too OOC/AU? Should I even bother to continue? I'd love to hear from you, because I honestly don't know what you guys will think of this. I'm scared just uploading this.**

*****Also: If in any way your story is similar to Adam's, I'm always here to listen. You may not be considering homicide like Adam or you may not be apart of the LGBT community, but I know bullying hurts no matter what the "reason" is. And I know it hurts even more bottling it up. I've been bullied since 3rd grade so I understand the pain, the insecurity, and/or the emotions that are running through your head. Just remember that someone is here for you. You're probably skeptical of talking to a stranger about this, but sometimes anonymity helps make it easier to tell.**

**Enough of me being somewhat-creepy and awkward,**

**I hope you liked it *crosses fingers***

**~With Love**

**No Username Needed**


	2. Monday

**Hello! I noticed just now that I had a few typos in the first chapter, so sorry about that. I'll be sure to double check from now on. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I eyed the word document on my laptop.

_Dear Mom and Dad, _

_By the time you read this I'll be dead. I just wanted to assure you that it's not your fault everything happened. It was my own fault. I wish there was another way, but this is my only option. _

_I _

I heard the door open and heavy footsteps walk down the stair case. I quickly shut my laptop down and pulled out a book to "read".

"Hey, man. It's Monday. You know what that means." My brother Drew reminded me. Monday nights were our "Call of Duty" marathon nights. While our Mom and Dad were at PTO meetings, we played video games for a couple hours. Our parents believe we use this time to do homework. So delusional.

I looked up from my comic book. "Rain check?"

He walked over and gave me a noogie, causing me to shrink in my roll-around seat. "C'mon, Adam. Just one game."

I winced from the stinging on the top of my head. "No..I'm meeting Clare at The Dot in a few minutes."

He pouted. "Girls over brothers..I see how it is."

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Drew, we're just friends. If you want her that bad, you can have her."

He made a face, making me laugh. "I like Clare and all, but she's like the modern day Mother Teresa."

I crookedly smiled. "Well, I need to go."

I stood up and grabbed my wallet, when Drew grabbed my arm.

"Wait what time is it?" He asked.

I shrugged as I looked at the clock. "5:00, why?"

The blood drained from his face. "I heard the hockey guys talking."

I raised my eyebrows. "Your point?"

Drew sighed sadly. "They were saying how they were going to The Dot right after the game."

I bit my lip and muttered. "Don't worry about me."

Drew crossed his arms. "Just ask Clare if you guys can go somewhere else."

I shook my head. "We're only going there because Jake will be there, too. So she can pick them up at the same time."

Drew bit the inside of my lip. "Okay..tell her you can't go."

I slid the patio door open. "No way..I can't leave her there all alone with her idiot of a stepbrother."

"Well, I'm going with you then." Drew told me.

I rolled my eyes, this time annoyed with him. "You're not my babysitter."

He retorted. "I'll sit at the bar or away from you guys."

I groaned but he continued.

"I'm just going just in case they mess with you and Clare."

I thought for a minute.

"Either let me go with you or you're not going at all." He warned me.

I stepped outside, sliding my wallet in my pocket. "Fine."

He grinned. He shut and locked the door behind us.

"Hey, it's the least you could do for making plans on our game night." Drew laughed, trying to lighten up the mood. I rolled my eyes.

"The one time I go out with a girl, friend or not, you have to be a cock block." I whined.

He nudged my shoulder. "We gotta do it as a team! Sharing is caring."

I laughed awkwardly. "You're disgusting."

"But you love me." He retorted.

I snickered jokingly. "I do?"

* * *

"Hey." Clare hugged me, not noticing my brother.

She looked at Drew and blushed. She cleared her throat. "Hi Drew."

Drew waved and took a seat in a booth towards the bar. We sat in front of a window towards the entrance.

"What can I get you guys?" A waiter with a name tag "Leo" asked us.

Clare spoke up first. "A strawberry-banana smoothie."

"Leo" looked at me and I answered with. "The banana split."

"Alright. It should be out any minute." Leo walked off with our order.

Clare smiled regretfully. "So how are you after..umm.."

I bowed my head, knowing she was talking about the interrogation with the barbaric hockey team of Degrassi.

"I'm fine." I lied.

She grabbed my hand reassuringly. "Just don't listen to them. You're a great guy Adam. Anyone that thinks differently is an idiot and probably needs help."

I blushed as I nervously laughed. "Thanks."

She smiled.

"Well, how are you about it?" I asked for her intake on it.

She admitted. "It makes me sad..to think they could do that to someone. My jaw's still a little sore, too." She touched her jaw and flinched.

I bit my lip guiltily, so I apologized for it.

She giggled softly. "Don't be sorry. It was Jake that hit me, not you."

I looked at her cheek, which was turning slightly purple. I pointed at her cheek as I asked her about it.

"Well, what's Mama Edwards gonna do when she sees that bruise?"

She covered her cheek with her hand, self consciously. She murmured against her hand.

"Probably ignore it..and me..the usual."

I grinned shyly. "I'm sure she'll notice it."

She laughed bitterly. "Yeah, after she congratulates Jake on their win, after she smooches on Glen, after she skypes with Darcy..after she asks them about their day and not mine.."

I sigh. "Well, you can always spend the night at my place."

I blush, realizing how dirty that sounded _outside_ of my head.

She seems to not notice this when she replies. "I doubt your mom would even let me in."

The waiter comes over and gives us our desserts.

"Thank you." Clare and I tell him simultaneously. He smiles, leaves the check, and walks off.

I laugh to myself when he's out of sight. "My mom loves you..mainly because you're the only girl that gives me the time of day."

She giggled loudly, causing some people in The Dot - including the hockey team - to look over. "Not enough to let me spend the night though, eh?"

I look over to see Jake, Kyle, and Luke come over. I whisper nervously to Clare. "Shit."

Clare dips her eyebrows in confusion, but realizes what she did when the three all scoot in the booth. My blood drains from my body and my heart pumps louder than ever.

"Hey, sis'." Jake wraps his arm around Clare, obviously just to taunt us.

Clare scoffs and makes a face at this, and attempts to scoot away. "Is it really that hard to _not_ stalk us?"

Jake laughs tauntingly. "C'mon Clare. Lighten up, eh?"

Clare pushes him off of her. "I will after the bruise you gave me goes away."

She gags. "At least try to use mints or _something_ to hide the beer in your breath."

I laugh to myself, making Luke look over to me.

"What's so fucking funny, Leslie?"

I roll my eyes, wishing I could just beat the shit out of these morons.

Luke pushes my side when I don't answer right away. "I know you can hear me Leslie."

I bite my lip, to restrain me from making things even worse than they are.

Thankfully before the boys can make matters worse, Drew comes over and stands at the edge of the table.

"Ooh, look it's Drew to the rescue." Kyle gasps mockingly. Jake, Luke, and Kyle all laugh and exchange high fives. What the hell? It wasn't even that funny. This just goes to show how off the charts ridiculous their egos are.

Drew rolls his eyes and cuts to the chase. "Go."

Kyle - and his humongous biceps - stand up. Kyle's 6 foot tall, so he towers over Drew.

"And why should we, basketball boy?"

Luke joins in. "What are you going to do? Shoot hoops at us."

Jake whispers to Luke. "Not funny, man."

Drew sighs annoyed. "You guys think you're so cool because you skate around like a bunch of figure skaters and push a puck with sticks, huh?"

Jake answers Drew bluntly. "Um.. yeah."

Drew clenches his fists, now really getting pissed. "God dammit, just leave them the hell alone."

"Or what?" Luke snickers.

Drew hisses. "Or I'll make your life hell."

Drew pushes Luke out of his way.

Luke pushes Drew harder.

Jake and Kyle crowd around Drew.

"Don't hurt him." I plead.

The store owner walks over.

"What seems to be the problem here?" The stout man breaks the 4 apart.

"Nothing, sir." Luke plays nice.

"Well, if I see this again you're all leaving." He mumbles as he grumpily walks off.

"This isn't over." Kyle points at Drew.

"I'm so scared." Drew mutters under his breath when the three walks off.

Drew looks at me. "Adam, we're going home."

"But-"

Clare butts in. "I'll be fine."

I sigh as I lay down a $5 bill.

"See you tomorrow?" Clare tells me, but it comes out as a question.

I sigh angrily. "Yeah..see you there."

* * *

**I hope you liked it :)**

**Like I said in the first chapter, I am here if you need to talk :)**

**Reviews? **

**~With LOVE**

**No Username Needed**


	3. Tuesday

**Note: This chapter takes place the next day, so it's Tuesday.**

**I hope you enjoy the 3rd chapter of _Rise and Shine! _**

**Also, do not hesitate to PM me if you need to get something off your chest. I'd love to listen :)**

**Warning: Animal cruelty..**

**..PETA will be on my ass like a pair of too-tight skinny jeans I can't pull off. **

**I LOVE animals. This is _just_ a story.**

* * *

"I hate them." I told Clare. Then again, who knows how many times I've said it throughout the school year.

"You hate everyone." Clare looked at me and giggled, letting me know she was joking.

I fumbled with my hands awkwardly. We were sitting side by side on the curb in the back parking lot of school. The hockey team decided to claim the cafe as their territory, hence the reason we would now be eating outside. Clare wouldn't have to worry about that any longer, though, of course.

"So you are going to the doctor's on Friday?" I asked her, making sure.

She eyed me strangely. "Um..yeah. Why?"

I shrugged casually and lied smoothly. "Just wondering. And you're going to miss the whole day, right?"

She frowned as she chewed her ham and cheese sandwich. She finally swallowed and replied suspiciously.

"Yes," She added. "Enough with the interrogation."

I almost smiled, but I just couldn't.

Friday would change everything. Not just Degrassi, but the future. It would be all over the news. Sure I wouldn't exactly be known in the greatest way, but I'm doing the right thing. Whether or not the rest of Toronto agrees me, won't change my decision. Getting rid of pests is always acceptable. Okay, so we aren't talking about a couple of horse flies but this is sort of the like the same interpretation. I'll be doing the students at Degrassi a favor. Besides, what goes around does come around, right?

"Adam." Clare frantically waved her hand in front of me.

I snapped out of my day dreaming of Friday. Unintentionally, I harshly hissed.

"What, Clare?"

Her posture slumped at my tone, her interior showing through. I saw this and bit my lip uncomfortably.

_This is what I'm good at. Hurting people. Even the ones I love._

"Wh-what's wrong with you lately? You won't stop daydreaming and you're moodier than a girl PMSing."

I stood up, ignoring the question. "Hey, we better get inside. Class starts in 10."

She growled indecently. "Well, that's plenty of time to answer my question."

I turned around and yelled, done. Done with everything. The dumb hockey team. My oblivious, idiot of a family. Overprotective, clingy Drew. Myself. My shitty life. And now Clare.

"What do you want me to say? That I enjoy being run over by a bunch of machismo jocks every day of my life. That I like getting the shit beat of me. That I like it when Drew plays chaperone at our _dates_. That I like having no friends. Or maybe all of the above, eh?"

She backed away slowly, one step at a time. She stammered as she walked backwards from. As if I'd hurt her. Scratch that, I already have - I already am.

_And as if I was a monster.. Am I a **monster**?_

Before I could answer this, she quietly, almost inaudibly spoke up.

"D-dates? Adam you don't.." She trailed off, unable to say it. Because apparently I was just that appalling. Not only the whole population of Degrassi, but now her too.

So much for friendship.

When I didn't answer - not to mention I was blushing not only from embarrassment but anger -, she got the hint.

She covered her mouth. She looked at me, taking her hand off of her mouth, and finally answered.

"Adam I..I never knew.."

I laughed bitterly. "Yeah, I know. But it's fine, because I'm used to you not giving a fuck about anyone but yourself."

She scoffed at this. "So when I got punched in the face for _you_, I was thinking of myself and not my best friend getting beat up?"

I didn't answer this, knowing this time she was right.

She continued. "If I wasn't your friend, I would've let your your sorry ass get beat up."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, if you're getting this upset over it, why didn't you just go like everyone else and quit complaining like the bitch you are?"

She laughed cold heartedly at this. She looked at me and muttered.

"No wonder no one likes you. You're an ungrateful, selfish asshole." She then mumbled to herself. "I should've listened to Alli and Jake."

She stomped off and around the corner to head inside. I heard the bell ring, signaling to the whole school that class would start in a few minutes. I kicked a rock and depressingly sat on the curb. I pulled out the red lighter from my left-back pocket. I eyed it and wondered to myself. I looked at the dry grass - we haven't had rain in a month - and wilting tree. I shook the thought off, quickly though. Not now. I have to wait until Friday.

Instead of going to class, I spent almost an hour burning my arm. Over and over. Nonstop. I ignored the smell of burnt skin. I ignored the sound of cars. I ignored the fact that I was withering my arm from the flame. I heard heavy footsteps walk over. In a panicked rush, I hid the lighter in my jacket's pockets.

I heard Kyle start to laugh.

"Awe look, guys. Leslie's turned emo."

I don't know what hit me, but I growled.

"Leave me alone."

Another boy joined in. His name was Dallas, and he was staying with Drew and I. I wish my mom didn't agree to letting him live at our house.

"C'mon, you guys." Dallas started and I smiled, thinking he'd stick up for me.

But he continued. "I don't think my stomach can take Leslie's makeshift bonfire." He said, making a face.

My face immediately fell at this. What happened to the funny guy that was bunking in our guest room? The guy who always cracked jokes as we played Call of Duty.

None of the guys seemed to notice my disapointment; a few of the hockey guys nodded.

"Yeah..let's go." One declared.

And with that, they all left.

Leaving me alone.

I sighed unsteadily as I touched the blackish, burnt skin on my arm.

"Yeah, go to hell." I inaudibly muttered, once I knew they were gone.

I stood up and looked over at a broken, metal fence leading into the woods. I thought about going there to go to the Ravine, but decided against it. The last thing I need is a hangover and/or bloodshot eyes for my parents to see.

But despite my beliefs against going, I picked myself up from the curb and like a zombie, I walked over and to the fence. A white sign was pinned on a tree.

_No Trespassing._

I ignored it and headed in the woods. I began to want to go back to school, but my feet said differently. After minutes of ducking under branches and trotting down rocky hills, I reached a familiar, once heartbreaking haven.

It was where we - as in Clare, Eli, and I - had our end of semester party sophomore year. I remember waiting for - at the time - my Princess Fiona. Only to be waiting the whole night. I finally grew tired of it and chased after my love. I still remember standing outside her apartment building.

The way my hand shook, holding the cell phone. The way my voice was hoarse and I tried not to throw up. The way my heart sank when I reached her voice mail.

_Alone._

I'm always alone, whether I'm with someone or not. Sure they're physically there, maybe talking to me, but really. They're not. Deep down, they want to be at home, making out with their crush, or just talking to anyone. Anyone but me.

I defeatedly sat down on one of the rocks from the church.

For a place so holy, it held wicked memories. Memories I couldn't escape.

I looked over to see a bird crying. I smiled devilishly when I realized it was crying from a broken wing. The bird was salt and peppery colored, and probably a baby.

Just like me, it was alone. No mom. No family. No nest.

Of course, I wasn't a bird. But I was in a similar predicament. Like the bird I was broken, had no friends, no family, and no hope.

I picked up a heavy piece of limestone and looked at the bird, who was slipping away from life. I put it out of it's misery and roughly dropped the rock on it. Once it hit it I heard a pain-filled chirp. For a small bird, it sure had lots of blood. I felt (and tasted) some of the blood on my face and around my lips. I looked down to see my Nike shoes, my jeans, and some of my shirt, too, were all covered in blood.

Yet I didn't care.

And to be honest, I didn't know why.

* * *

**Note: No birds were harmed in the making of writing this story.**

**Er, as you can see Adam is _very very_ sick... in the head. **

**No, I do not go around smashing birds with rocks so to any animal lovers, do not attack me xD I love animals, and just in case you haven't noticed this is a _story_. _Fictional _story, to be exact.**

**~With Love**

**No Username Needed**


	4. Wednesday

**Hello! **

**I feel awful that I haven't been updating my stories as much as I have been this Summer. Not only have I been busy with moving to a new house, I have no motivation or inspiration whatsoever. Especially with _Judas_ and _Trapped_. I will update them both, but that'll be until I can figure out what to write next with them.**

**Also, I'd write an A/N chapter for the story but I don't want to get into trouble, but _Heads Will Roll_ is on a hiatus. I'm not sure for how long; I'm not even sure I'll ever update again, to be honest. I'll just have to see if I can think of a way to continue it. :P**

**Note: Takes place the following day, so Wednesday. :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**_Die_**

Kyle

Owen

Luke

Owen

Becky

Alli

every Degrassi teacher who just stood and watched

Principal Simpson

_anyone_ who stands in my way

Clare

**_Live_**

Mom and Dad

Drew

Eli

Ms. Oh

* * *

Even when I was (and posed as) Gracie, I hated school.

I hated the way my school's itchy, cliche school-girl uniform would rub against my cursed sensitive skin, making it break out in a rash. I hated that Drew and the other boys could play with G.I. Joes and toy trucks, when I was handed a twiggy, obnoxiously girly barbie and her matching cotton-candy pink convertible. I hated it when my mom would braid my hair tightly, like if she tugged just a bit harder my scalp would rip off the top of my head.

But what I hated - no _loathed_ - the most was having to carry around that gaudy Strawberry Shortcake tin lunchbox. I remember when she took both me and Drew along on her shopping spree to Walmart. I remember clearly asking my mom if I could get the camo lunchbox, but she detested it. She said, and I quote, "That's for boys, silly.".

Yet, despite that, I'd take it all back faster than a blink of the eye.

I'd take back that prickly uniform any day over my routined suffocating bandages that hide my annoyingly (and unconveniently) volumptuous breasts.

I'd exchange worrying about if I'd get to class before the jocks see me for worrying about having to play with a barbie.

Hell, I'll take back the now pedestrian stinging from my mom's hairstyling over the feeling of being slammed against metal lockers.

I want those days back.

And that's why I'm pseudo-Gracie until Friday.

I just want these last days to be as painless as possible.

Is that too much to ask for?

* * *

Maybe it was. I don't know.

Everywhere I look, I lock my icy, cobalt eyes with questionng pairs.

Some thought I was a new student. Others didn't even notice. Of course, Eli and Clare did.

I should've seen their intervention coming.

"Adam-" Eli started.

But I corrected him.

"It's Gracie," I added. "And it always was."

Clare frowned and shakily sighed. She opened her mouth, spontaneously tears began to fall from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I didn't mean what I said yesterday. I was just stressed with Ash-..everything."

She whimpered, her face against the palms of her hands. Much more cautiously than usual (for obvious reasons), Eli wrapped his arm around her shoulders and rubbed her side, an attempt to calm her down.

I bit my tongue, forcing myself to feel guilty for the pain I brought on Clare. Haphazardly, I sat down on the bench in the hall and replied to the two.

"I just..wanted to try this out." I assured them, but mainly Clare.

Eli sighed. "If this is about the Ice Hounds-"

I shook my head as convincingly as I could. "I promise it's not."

I continued talking. "You know..I think everyone was right. The whole Adam thing was just a phase. I've always been Gracie, whether I wanted to admit or not. I just wanted to be..different for a change."

Clare looked at me, her eyes bloodshot and her cheeks blotchy from crying. "Adam, you and me both know that's not true."

"It's true." I crossed my arms sheepishly.

Eli snorted, practically choking on his own sarcasm. "Yeah, as true as Bianca's spray tan."

I stood up, deciding the conversation was done with. "Why don't you two just quit worrying about me and look in the mirror for once?"

They didn't answer. They didn't have any anger or shock on their face at all. They stood there, barely moving; as if they were statues.

I added after I grabbed my backpack from the floor. "You're the ones with Bipolar and a dead girlfriend and a boss who molested you."

I walked off without another word. It was no surprise they didn't say anything either. Even though I'm angry with them, especially Clare, I couldn't help but feel a ping of guilt when I heard Clare's muffled cries.

I even almost wanted to run back there and aplogize for the malicous things I said.

_They were only trying to help. _I thought against my will.

I groaned as I went to my locker. I wanted to scream to myself "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!". But this would only make me an even bigger outcast, if that's even possible.

I opened my locker and stared at the person in the mirror. They had brown hair and a turqouise bow that matched their outfit; big blue eyes smothered in caramely eyeshadow and tubes of mascara on their eyelashes; chalky fuschia blush accentuating their already rosy cheeks; a brown sweater, graphic tee shirt, denim skinny jeans, and uncomfortable flats.

Who was this?

Apparently it was me.

My reflection, anyway.

I bowed my head sadly as I slowly and quietly shut my locker.

Yep, I was wrong.

My last days wouldn't, couldn't, be painless. They had to have some form of hurt.

Because my life was hurt.

Without it, it was nothing.

Then, I'd be nothing.

But maybe that's a good thing.

* * *

**_Die_**

Kyle

Owen

Luke

Owen

Becky

Alli

every Degrassi teacher who just stood and watched

Principal Simpson

_anyone_ who stands in my way

Clare?

Eli?

**_Live_**

Mom and Dad

Drew

Eli?

Ms. Oh

Clare?

* * *

**I'm excited to see what you think!**

**Reviews? :)**

**~With LOVEE**

**No Username Needed**


	5. Thursday

**I am so sorry for not updating sooner! Although I've been busy with school, that's still not a good excuse. **

**Enjoy! :)**

**Note: Hopefully you're catching on, but this takes place the next day: Thursday.**

* * *

"C'mon, Adam! I'm pretty sure this is the slowest a guy has ever taken to get ready."

I stick my tongue out when I open the door, revealing an annoyed Drew.

"It's Gracie. Gra-cie. "

Drew rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just hurry up. I just have to be at school on time."

I laughed as I put on my mascara. "Since when do you care about being at school on time?"

Drew wiggled his iPhone in the air. "Since Bianca texted me to meet her in the vocational building."

"Isn't the vocation building always empty during 1st period?" I asked, as I put black eyeliner on my right eye.

He chuckled. "Hm, well isn't that just a coincidence, eh?"

I rolled my eyes, putting my stick of eyeliner into the bathroom drawer. I turned my full attention over to Drew, laughing softly.

"You naughty boy."

"Maybe Clare will text you this morning, too." He joked as we walked out of the bathroom.

I stopped, grabbing my book bag. Joking back, I responded.

"Yeah, I don't really think Clare's a lesbian."

He frowned, crossing his arms. "Adam, what's gotten into you lately?"

I bit my lip and corrected him. "_Gracie_."

He shook his head. "No, that's not your name. That's not you. I know you. You're Adam, my _brother_."

He eyed me up and down.

"Not whatever the hell this is."

I shrugged as I slipped my backpack over my right shoulder.

"This is me..always has been."

We walked down the stairs in silence. I was surprised Drew didn't say anything else, but at the same time I was happy he wasn't pestering me about it. Our mom appeared from the kitchen.

"Have a great day at school, you two."

Before we could make an escape, Mom squeezed us tight. I groaned.

"Bye, Mom."

"Bye.."

"Gracie." I told her.

She nodded slowly, obviously stunned from shock. I mean, why wouldn't she be? For years I've been fighting for being known as Adam, and now I'm flip flopping back to Gracie. Shit, I'd be surprised too.

"Um, alright. Have a good day, sweetie."

I made a face as she kissed my cheek, leaving a bit of red lipstick on my cheek. I wiped it off with the back of my hand. My mom noticed and licked her finger.

I squealed, stopping her.

She chuckled. "Alright you two go on to school. Don't want to be late."

I smiled softly, hiding my inner feelings. As usual.

Drew gave Mom a hug and we left for school. I gripped the strap of my backpack and walked out the front door with Drew. I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. I silently prayed in my head, when I saw some of the hockey players piled up in Jake's car.

"Drew, can we take the long way?"

He noticed how stiff I stood and looked out at the road. He frowned at the sight."Sure."

But followed with a wink.

"But you owe me."

* * *

A frustrated Clare groaned, biting her lip and tossing her head back.

I laughed at the sight of the unusually frazzled Clare.

She sighed shakily. "I'm good at every motherfucking subject, why not Chemistry too?"

I shrugged. "Well, we are in AP Chemistry..not exactly a class you can just study and pass without any trouble."

She chewed the inside of her lip. "Hmph."

I laughed and flipped to the next page in my textbook. "You do know we only have 3 days until midterms?"

She sighed almost inaudibly. "Yeah, I know."

Before I could answer, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I picked it up and put it away, ignoring it.

Clare tilted her head. "Who is that?"

I shook my head. "No one important."

She nodded nervously.

"Adam-"

"Gracie."

She looked at me and continued. "Gracie..you seem..on edge. If there was something wrong, you'd tell me right?"

I fiddled with my wrist and answered my concerned friend monotonously.

"Yeah."

"So then..what's wrong?" She batted her blue eyes unintentionally.

I gulped and gasped for air; finally noticing I wasn't breathing.

"It's..personal."

She nodded and smiled. The lunch bell rang and we stood up simultaneously. I bent over to drop my book inside my bag. I grabbed my bag, along with my lunch, and headed up to the front steps; until Clare stopped me.

She tapped my shoulder; so I turned around. Once I did, I felt her chap stick-smothered, yet somehow not sticky lips tenderly peck against my cheek.

"See you around."

I opened my mouth, but I just stood there, dumbfounded.

Did the Clare Edwards, the woman of my dreams, just kiss me?

I pinched my arm, hoping no one would see. I gasped, when I didn't wake up from my dream.

I think yes.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed :)**

**Note: I didn't re-read it, so if there are errors then I'm really sorry. **

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**~With Love**

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